Whether you love it or hate it, it’s that day of the year again.
For some, they love the romance, enjoy the gifts, flowers,and cards. But some, it is a day that that is filled with disapointment and sadness.
If you are in a relarionship that leaves you questioning whether you are seen, heard and valued, you may be looking forward to getting some kind of confirmation that you are loved and desired. But, why do we need to wait for a certain day of the year? And if you do get that confirmation you were looking for, what happens tomorrow and every day after that?
Now, I am not saying that you are not loved if you dont get flowers, neither am I saying that a token gesture on one day of the year is enough. In a loving relationship, we shoud feel seen, heard and valued all year round We should feel that we matter. We should feel secure in the knowledge that whatever happens, we have a partner who will be by our side..
But what does it mean if you dont feel this? It may not be a clear cut as you think.
Maybe there has been a breakdown in communication on both sides.
Perhaps you have a partner who is thinking that everything is fine, until they are told otherwise.
Perhaps you struggle to voice your thoughts and feelings, fearing conflict or mocking. This may be a a pattern learnt many years ago, and may not be an indication of a failing relationship.
Maybe, your partner has not grown up in an environment where feelings were opely discussed, causing fear and anxiety at the thought of expressing feelings, even if they want to.
But communication can improve with time and effort. Working with a therpaist may highlight how and when these patterns began, how they are impacting your life today, and most importantly, how they can be changed.
If you dont have a partner to spend Valentines Day, why not treat yourself. You may want to read that book thats been by your bed for weeks, perhaps get your nails done, meet a friend for coffee etc etc. But why not let today be the start of loving ourself everyday. We dont need a date on the calendar to treat ourselves with kindness. We can all find even a small amount of time for ourselves every day. We are worth the effort.
If today has highlighted a deeper struggle for you, contact me and we discuss how Counselling may help you.